The 5 Worst Star Trek Villains (so far).

The Star Trek Universe is known for the Grand Shakespearian style of larger than life heroes, and in order to have larger than life heroes you need great villains. And sometimes you don’t get them.

#5 V’ger


The Voyager Probe traveled to the other side of the Galaxy, became Super-powerful returned to Earth to meet its creator and kills anything that gets in its way, then plugged its electronic ears and said “1000101010101010” which translated from binary means. “La-La-La-La I can’t hear you.”

A computer that will kill anything that gets in the way of its mission and develops a religion about its creator? Wasn’t that the plot of 2001? It didn’t translate to the big screen very well either so this Star Trek rip-off was even worse.

Most fans don’t notice how incredibly lame the villain was due to the incredibly bad direction and pacing. (I don’t mean the slow pace of the movie, I mean their own pacing back and forth waiting for something to happen).

#4 Ad'har


F. Murray Abraham's acting almost made fans forget how lame his character was. His motivation was to kill his mommy because she let him leave home to see the universe.

It would be like spending your entire working life plotting to kill your mom because you wanted to move back in to your old room after college, but were too proud to ask.

I moved back into my mom’s house once. I didn’t have to raise a fleet of Space ships, create a weapon that would destroy that part of the Galaxy or make an elaborate plan to have the Government turn its back on its most sacred principals. Good thing too, I had to borrow the money from her (I still haven’t paid her back).

This doesn’t really make me a bad enough villain to make an entire movie about.


#3 Japanese Fishing Boat


Star Trek 4 gave us the most mismatched battle ever, a fishing boat vs. a Klingon Bird of Prey.

The original movies went counter to how most series go with the villains getting bigger and bader as the series went on. With Star Trek they got smaller. In The Motion Picture V’ger was the size of Jupiter, then Khan stole a Federation Ship smaller than the Enterprise but newer to make it an even match, In ST3 Enterprise took on a Klingon Scout Ship, then in ST4 the Klingon Scout Ship took on a fishing boat. To keep up with this pattern they would have to have the Enterprise-A take on a guy who wanders around in the desert.

#2 Sybok

Spock’s half-brother wandered around in the desert then takes over the Enterprise-A in search of God. Takes them to a guy and gets killed.

#1 Praetor Shinzon


Great concept for a villain Picard’s clone but the real villain was the casting director. Shinzon didn’t look like Picard was 6 inches shorter and 20 lbs lighter. I tried to suspend my disbelief but couldn’t.

If they had done a Van Damn and had Patrick Stewart play both roles it could have been cool. That would have made the overacting by Brett Spiner tolerable.

Honorable Mention

Soran


Soran could have been the end to the franchise, his motivation was to get his drug called the Nexus.

Malcolm McDowell pulled it off and made it watchable, but imagine Keanu Reeve in that role.

“Like I need to get back to the Nexus, Dude. Bummer that I need to like totally blow up a planet to do it.”

The Greatest Review of why Superman III sucked ever written.

I usually don’t post about other people’s posts but this review of Superman III was right on the money.

I thought that Superman III sucked because Richard Pryor was miscast and still out acted everyone else on the set (I’m not a fan of Richard Pryor’s acting BTW).

But Bad News From Outer Space peels back that top layer of suck to reveal the next layer of suck, then peels that one back getting to the core of suck.

My Psychic Nutritionist Put Me Back On The Couch
Superman III – Review Redux

I know now why I hate this movie so much. I’ve watched it so many times over the years and just accepted that it sucked. It sucked because Richard Pryor was sadly miscast. It sucked because the humor was aimed at the pre-school level. It sucked because the villain is a lame retread of Gene Hackman’s Lex Luthor. It sucked. It sucked. It sucked.

But most of all, it sucked because it wasn't about anything. It had NO story to tell. It had a lot of plot. It had several action scenes. But when you add them all together, they meant absolutely nothing.

(Read the whole review here)

BTW: the rest of his site is hilarious as well.

Wereroach (A movie Review)

A garbage collector played by Dirk Squarejaw, is bitten by a wereroach while working the graveyard shift, under the full moon.

One month later he is having sex with his girl friend (Ima E.Z. Fucgue) and starts to change.

Even the monotone pleadings from Ima of, “Oh, stop.” And “Don’t, I’m serious, if you turn into a roach I’m leaving you.” Can’t stop the transformation.

For the next week he continues to change into a roach at night and live as a human during the day. Until Orkin Van Hellsing appears and kills him with a silver roach hotel.
Ima falls into Orkin’s arms and declares, “I loved him with all my heart, but ick, I mean really, ick” then adds, “I’m sure you know how to use your power nozzle.”

The movie fades out with images of Orkin’s power nozzle sliding into crack in the wall moving in and out until it blows it’s bug goo. (At least that’s what I think that was.)

Opinion:
Oddly enough the Roaches out acted the humans in this fine piece of cinema. The production number of the roaches tap dancing in front of the full moon was fantastic.

Brutal Cop II The Revenge

Brutal Cop II starts were Brutal Cop 1: The Beginning left off, with brutal cop pummeling several guys. As the fight progresses he pulls one of the thugs arms off (In a splendid digital recreation of the famous scene from Cat People) and proceeds to beat the remaining thugs to a bloody pulp with it.

After the fight is over we are treated to a flashback of the scene in Brutal Cop 1 where BC’s wife was killed when the Evil Rapper and his thugs broke into Brutal Cop’s bedroom while he was having sex with his wife.

The enraged Brutal Cop quickly dispatches the Evil Rapper’s men, one by reaching into the guys gut, pulling out his gall stone and throwing it into his eye, blinding him and causing him to fall out the window. Unfortunately while Brutal Cop is busy with the henchmen the Evil Rapper pulls out a giant dildo and impales Brutal Cop’s wife.

The Evil Rapper escapes and Brutal Cop vows to hunt him down.
After the flashback the movie proceeds with the Evil Rapper devising schemes to defeat Brutal Cop’s relentless attacks.

In one fight Brutal Cop is fighting the henchmen in a drained swimming pool, naturally as Brutal Cop pummels the henchmen the pool fills up with their blood. Not able to swim Brutal Cop outsmarts the Evil Rapper by pulling apart one of his opponent’s ribcage and using the thug’s lungs as floaties.

In another fight Brutal Cop is trapped in a pit with some of the Evil Rapper’s men, so he reaches in and grabs their intestines, uses the man’s head as a counter weight, wraps it around a beam and climbs to safety.

Then for the final fight things really get gore filled.

If you are looking for a movie with blood, guts, and flying body parts, this is the movie to see.